Warning: This post was an exercise for me in finding synonyms for “feces.” That may be all you need to know to discontinue reading.
On Monday night, we went to my in-laws to watch the lamest NCAA football championship ever. (For an entertaining commentary on that, go here.) During the game we encountered some digestive trouble with Miriam. She was complaining of a sore bum so I changed her diaper to discover a nightmare of a bowel movement. Sure enough she had a wicked diaper rash from the undetected foul diaper going unchanged for too long. The problem was that the stool had no smell. It went undetected because, validate me here parents, for the most part I only change a stinky diaper when my nose makes me aware that I ought to do so.
Some time went by and poor Miriam continued to complain of her tender tush. There was once again no stench and so I assumed she was just suffering from the existing rash. At last I checked and realized she needed to be changed again. I lathered her up with butt paste and sent her on her way, but I was so confused. Where the heck was all this poop coming from?
Shortly after the second full dump, and not long before the third I received the following text from my mother. She had been caring for the kids while I was at work that day.
“Miriam got into your dad’s candy so she might get diarrhea from the maltodextrin.”
I couldn’t contain my laughter.
Apparently while my mom was watching Simon in one room she heard Eli shout from another room down the hall.
“I want some of that!”
Naturally she responded quickly only to discover Miriam had enjoyed the better part of a sugar-free chocolate bar my mom had bought my diabetic father for Christmas. I guess maltodextrin is an ingredient used in sugar-free treats and I guess eating too much can cause some belly trouble.
(I considered researching this more, but who wants to spend their precious minutes learning about causes of odorless diarrhea?)
Fortunately aside from the diaper rash Miriam had no other symptoms or issues.
5 thoughts on “well that explains so much”
Great use of words in this post and a pretty hilarious story to go with them.
still my favorite. lol. sugar free candy makes me get sick too, m!!
So glad you posted this. It's classic Miriam. I love that girl:)
Oh that girl is hilarious. I still feel bad for laughing at the story, but I'm glad you're laughing now. And yes, I only change a diaper at feeding time and if it smells, so you're completely justified!
Your comment about not wanting to spend precious minutes researching odorless diarrhea reminded me of this enjoyable exchange, on one of my favorite TAL podcasts, about the invention of a device that removed dog poo from people's lawns:”Ira, the inventiveness of people in this country is just completely remarkable. I've lived all over the world and–Ira Glass: Wait, wait, I want to stay on the poo for a second. I feel like what you're saying is very uplifting. But I want to bring us back to poo. You know the problem with this, what you're saying, that's exactly the problem with this. If you got into business with these people, you'd be talking about poo all the time. Like your life would be filled with these poo discussions. And you'd be constantly having to evoke the image in your head of poo dissolving underneath this cup over and over. Like that image would be in your head like every day. You'd have to think about that. Like who wants to be in that business?”