I’ve never had a pregnancy scare. Anytime that it wasn’t in the plan but seemed possible I found myself feeling excited, not worried.

That is not the confession, the confession is this. I recently lived a pregnancy scare vicariously through my dog who is not spayed.

A few weeks ago she got out again. Our promiscuous pet had a one night stand with a black lab, or so I am told. When I recovered her the morning after her escape the woman holding her said she found her with a male dog. The next morning when I told Richard about it he just stared at her. “Yep. She looks like she’s lost her virtue.”


I felt like such an irresponsible pet owner. We hadn’t had her spayed because, despite Richard’s protests, I hadn’t completely given up on the idea of breeding her. Everyone who breeds AKC retrievers tells me stories that leave dollar signs in my eyeballs like that rich cartoon duck.

But alas, even though retriever lab puppies make great pets, they don’t yield a profitable return. If there were puppies on the way they would be giveaways. I would have posted on craig’s list in desparation: “FREE & ADORABLE Labrador Retriever Puppies. Please take one to save my marriage!”

All day every day all I heard in my mind was the voice of Bob Barker at the end of “The Price is Right”—

“Help control the pet population. Have your pet spayed or neutered.”

Enough time has passed that I can finally rest assured that there will be no puppies. But my relief is stained with shame. Rest assured Bob, the dog will be spayed.

3 thoughts on “Confession

  1. oh Jo you are hilarious! that's the best. Sorry that you panicked, while the rest of us laugh with you! Hopefully you will not be having puppies. And to be honest with you my inlaws are in the dog buisness and they do make some dollar signs. (sorry Richard… it is the truth)


  2. Our cats have an appointment to get spayed and neutered next week. We weren't in a rush until we found out that one of them is male. They are 4 months old but the lady at the Humaine Society told me cats can start their business at 3-4 months! Talk about not having a childhood! So, we have been watching our kittens closely to make sure they aren't a little too affectionate with each other. Glad to hear you can breath easy about puppies. That would be a handful!


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