Before I had four kids I responded to emails.
Before I had four kids I did projects and put up decorations for the holidays.
Before I had four kids I was on time to appointments. (Haha, who am I kidding with that one?)
Before I had four kids I returned phone calls.
Before I had four kids I kept my house clean.
Before I had four kids I wrote regular blog posts.
I’m feeling a little overwhelmed these days. I’m accepting a new normal with a house that is only mostly clean and hobbies that must be set aside. In my selfish moments I resent that I don’t have spare time for my personal interests. On Sunday Richard and I watched a couple conference talks that we missed from the Saturday afternoon session. There was a quote in Elder Anderson’s talk that pierced me to the core.
“Motherhood… is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gave you time for.”
The quote is from Rachel Jankovic, a Christian blogger. If that quote pierced me, her entire post shredded me. She both empathized with me and inspired me. Her thoughts articulated exactly how I feel but her gentle rebuke exposed and chastened me. I love this woman, a stranger to me, for being a source of guidance outside my regular, often underappreciated, sources of guidance. I’m so far from the ideal she sets forth, obviously all the things I listed above rank higher than my calling as a mother. But she has given me courage that I’m not alone and reminded me of the value of children, even [or perhaps especially] my children.