Around here we’ve been mixing up a melancholy cocktail.
Ingredients:
*one bad cold
*a husband/father away on business
*an inversion (readily available in Boise if you’re lacking)
The antidote?
Well first choice would be sunshine and a good dose of Richard.
You may recall Eli soliciting Cameron’s assistance in retrieving a certain blanket.
It is now clear exactly what he had in mind.
I remember one particularly difficult time in my life when I first had to put my faith to test. My brother was experiencing a painful trial and the rest of the family were suffering along with him. My mom pointed out to me one day that if we really believe what we say we do, these difficult times shouldn’t be so difficult.
I am now attempting something difficult in different ways. But based on my belief, it shouldn’t be difficult. The belief? The best way I can describe it is a primary song.
“Jesus said love everyone. Treat them kindly too. When your heart is filled with love, others will love you.”
Everyone? I’ve had my moments in life where I’ve had to search the depths of my charity barrel for love for an individual. In 8th grade a boy named Woody teased me relentlessly. It was more than just teasing, it was harrassment. Measures were taken by the school to keep us far apart. The nobility of it made forgiveness come somewhat easily. He was no longer tormenting me, and I had been taught to “bless them that curse you”.
But now, as I contemplate other situations in my life where I encountered people who are difficult to love, I realize that in general I’ve just avoided those people. The difference in the circumstance at present, is that I believe this person needs my love and friendship. I have felt strongly, in fact, that I should make my best effort to have a good relationship with her.
So what is making such a bond so hard? For starters, the reasons I have to believe she wants my friendship are based on subtleties. Her clear and unambiguous communication is usually harsh and sometimes rude. Further, she is actively involved in the life of someone I care about, and her influence (from where I stand) is generally for the worse.
I can’t really say that my efforts at present are sincere. But I have adopted that age-old adage “Fake it ‘til ya make it”.
I welcome any advice. For now, the following quote keeps me going.
“When frustration and impatience challenge charity, hope braces our resolve and urges us to care for our fellowmen even without expectation of reward.” – President Dieter F. Uchtdorf
I finally took some pictures of what things look like post-leak/flood/chaos.
But I put them on my other, neglected blog.
www.secondratepursuits.blogspot.com
What do you think of the yellow paint? (I want positive responses only. There is a lot on the line.)
This morning Cameron went back to preschool. Eli was asleep when he left so after waking up and not finding him he asked for “Cam-uhn” relentlessly. All morning, all around the house “Cam-uhn…. Cam-uhn.” At last Cameron came home and a little later I realized while Eli was missing him so much.
Cameron was playing with his cars on the hallway floor and Eli was trying to get his attention. (The same way Cameron repeatedly says “Mom, Mom, Mom MOMMY! to get mine.)
“Cam-uhn, Cam-uhn…. Cam-uhn.
CAM-UHN!”
He gets right in Cameron’s face and Cameron finally says
“What?”
“Bankie.”
“Oh, you need your blankie?”
Cameron then gets up from his cars and goes into their bedroom to retrieve Eli’s blanket from his crib, where it was out of his reach. Cameron then goes back to his cars and resumes his play.
Eli notices me across the room watching the whole thing unfold. He says “bankie” and gives me a grateful and contended smile.
A simple thing, yes. The kind of thing that only a mother can appreciate.
but I sense it could be.
This expression says “What do you mean I am too little to bowl?” (That is little Antonia in the background. We sure love having a baby girl in the family.)
A good buddy makes everything in life more fun. Cameron and Charlie were high-fiving it (there I go, turning non-verbs into verbs by adding “ing” to the end, again…) throughout the bowling extravaganza. There were only six of us actually bowling but it was the longest bowling game I can recall.
It should be noted though, that I beat Richard for the first time in our married life, or dating life, or life together at all whatsoever.
(I could/should/would have fixed that red-eye, but my computer was being P A I N F U L L Y slow.)
#1: THINKING PEOPLE ARE LIKE ME:
I have a sensitive nature. My feelings are easily hurt and I therefore assume that other people’s feelings are easily hurt. This causes me to, as Richard always puts it, “walk on eggshells”. Richard teases me actually that I create my own eggshells, and that my worries of offending are unsubstantiated. This is a problem because I overthink things to the point of being unable to communicate because I have anxiety about saying the wrong thing. But that is not the reason I had in mind when I realized that thinking people are like me can be a mistake.
That reason is that I expect other people to be ultra-sensitive to my feelings, the way I try to be to theirs. I am shocked when someone does something that offends me. I insist to Richard that it MUST have occurred to them that their action would hurt me. He insists back, naturally, that “No Jo, it probably never occurred to them that this would hurt you.” Could he be right?
#2 THINKING PEOPLE AREN’T LIKE ME
I’ve already discussed on this blog the missed opportunities for friendship because I didn’t think I had anything in common with someone. I heard a quote once that said “We are more alike than we are different.” That way of thinking seems to fill my heart with love and unity. I imagine that if I could see into the hearts of others, I would see that they are much like me. We could commiserate and celebrate together.
So the mistake here is that by assuming people aren’t like me I not only miss out on friendships and understanding, but I am judgemental and critical. I see the mote in their eye, and miss the beam in mine.
I don’t believe that these two mistakes are really related. It seemed fitting to discuss them together because they have both been on my mind. But I don’t believe the solution to one really has anything to do with the other. What I am trying to say is that it isn’t really a dilemma after all.
Maybe…
the solution to #1 is forgiveness and #2 is humility and charity.
So simple right?
because goodness knows, there is no shortage of commentary on this blog. 
(watching Misha devour her Christmas goodies.)
Just Your Average Jo 