At the outset of 2010 I determined to do another year of homemade gifts. That is, I determined to last the whole year this time.  My apologies to all my family members whose birthdays fell after, oh about April.  I sort of burned out a little too early.  Part of my burn-out last year was the difficulty of coming up with ideas for certain family members.  So to prevent a relapse I have come to a compromise.  Where possible, I will make the gift.  But I would rather not have it be homemade than just ignore the birthday altogether.  I’ve tried to compensate for lack of homecraft by being more thoughtful in my gift giving.  The gift I’m most excited about was a pair of tickets for my brother-in-law to see the play “Jack in the Beanstalk” with his little boy in their hometown of Las Vegas.  The tickets were inexpensive (sorry Will!) but required a little time on the www to find.

**As a side note. For my birthday a friend of mine put together a playlist on iTunes of her favorite songs, paid for them and then gave me the download code.   It was so thoughtful.  My sister did a similar thing and made me a cd of her favorite running songs to get me motivated.  My mom used her talents to sew new cushions for our rocking chair, pictures of that coming soon.

Anyway, I did make this gift for my sister.  It is a journal of sorts.  It’s a box with labeled months. Behind each month is a number of lined slips of paper for recording daily activities, funny moments, short little thoughts, children’s milestones, etc.  I liked the idea so much I started recording my own little entries.  Now I just need to make myself a box. 

           

Eli has what my family describes and “active ingredients”.  He expresses all of his emotions in extremes.  When he is happy he is delightful.  He makes us laugh and I just can’t hug him enough, he is so adorable.  When he is angry he is like a firecracker.  It is best to keep your distance until he starts to fizzle out.  When he is tired and grumpy he’ll cover his head with a blanket, sending the message “Leave me alone”.   The other morning he woke up too early and had a meltdown in the living room.  He leaned over on the couch, covered his head and promptly fell asleep. 

Strange is our situation here upon earth.  Each of us comes for a short visit, not knowing why, yet sometimes seeming to divine a purpose.  From the standpoint of daily life however, there is one thing we do know — that man is here for the sake of other men.
-Albert Einstein

I finished the book.  In my own words, it’s message: Society would have us believe that we find purpose and happiness in consumerism.  Earning, buying, getting.  But real purpose and happiness comes from service and close family relationships. 

I think I’ve always known that, but this book was a good reminder and a real-life example of a family who had a lot, and gave up a lot, and grew very close in the process. 

I declare myself inspired. 

Now maybe I can finish those other inspiring books that remain partially read.

Last year I tried to give up chocolate for Lent.  I did pretty well for awhile and then while in Peru I couldn’t resist some chocolate treats.  It was a cultural thing, ya know? I didn’t want to hold back.

So I decided to recommit this year.  My birthday fell on Ash Wednesday without me realizing it so I got started a day late but now I’m in wholeheartedly.  (Good thing I ate all those Godiva chocolates Richard got for my birthday in one night.)

Then I got a book in the mail from my wise older brother and his kind wife.  The book is called The Power of Half.  You can read a great article about it here.  In my birthday card my brother mentioned that Alexander Solzhenitsyn felt that what we Americans need is to better exercise voluntary self-restraint.

I have not had  made much time for reading lately and so I thought what better way to read the book than to exercise voluntary self-restraint in the process.  Terrible sentence.  What I am saying is that I am going to give up blogging for a week in order to read this book.  I would turn off my computer completely for a week but I do use it for some practical purposes.

JoJo out for self-improvement. 

I started to learn a lot about meaningful relationships and wrote about them after I was in Peru.  But I’ve been thinking about them lately. 

Sometimes God makes it obvious when He wants to teach you something.  I’ve noticed the same principle as a theme of various books and podcasts I have been reading and listening to.  That theme is presence.   Dr. Laura explained it to a woman by saying “You are not a human being, you are a human doing.”  The book I mentioned before explains “Mindfulness is cultivated by paying attention -on purpose and carefully- to the contents of this moment.”  I love that. 

But what I have been realizing is the way that this mindfulness effects relationships. I believe that happiness comes from quality relationships.  And quality relationships are established and perpetuated when you are able to be “present” in the moments you spend with others.  Listening.  Just being there.

I used to believe relationships were only worthwhile if they would exist in the long-term.  I also viewed relationships in a self-serving way.  How does this friendship benefit me? Both of these ideas were preventing me from enjoying some real pleasures and joyful moments. 

Even fleeting relationships can provide meaning and joy to my life.  There is a season for each relationship and the memories and influences of that relationship will always stay with me. 

Constantly wondering what the future benefits of present moments will be takes all the satisfaction out of the present moment.  Not only am I depriving myself of the feelings associated with that moment, I am failing to meet the needs of the person I am with.  I am not being for them the best friend/spouse/mother I ought to be. 

What I am grasping at here is that by carefully paying attention to the present moment I can be completely attentive to those around me, and by doing so I can find profound fulfilment in all my relationships.

I am also a sentimental person with a deep desire to maintain relationships from years past.  While I believe this is a good desire, it can also be a source of worthless guilt.  Another thing I have learned is that it is okay to let go of some relationships.  I can appreciate them for what they were when they existed and the benefit that they have been in my life.

Ahh.  That felt good to get that all out.

After ten seconds I realized I’d made a poor choice.  The woman at the front was clearly abusing the “20 Items or Less” rule. Annoying. The line at the checkout next to me was moving much more quickly.  The gentleman in front of me, who had only bananas, noticed as well and glanced at me for my permission to move over to the other lane.  I smiled and he bailed ship. 

While the cashier rang up the woman’s 30 (at least) items, a young boy played around with all the toys on the shelves.  His t-shirt read “Lock up your daughters” and his grandmother was repeating his name constantly trying to get him to leave the stuff alone.

Just as the cashier bagged the last of her items and the grandmother slid her card, the little boy walked up to the refrigerator that contained pop and other beverages.  He reached inside and grabbed some strawberry milk. 
“Put that back!” His grandmother called out desperately.  He stared at her and before she could get to him (I don’t mean to imply that she moved quickly) he opened it and began to drink.  She laughed awkwardly and paid for the drink and went on her way.

I was validated in my feelings about that store and went on my way.  With all due respect Grandma, I know it has everything under the sun.  But sometimes I am just not in the mood for a lesson on charity.

Our fondue was delicious.

Last night when I was in bed I started thinking about all the things I didn’t want to think about.  I decided to make mental list of the things I didn’t want to think about.  This was the list.

The Bachelor. (I hate that stupid show. I wish I had never watched it.)
Issues at work.
The mistakes the pairs made in figure skating.
My messy house. 
What time Miriam was going to wake me up.
The two little girls in Utah who died of pesticide poisoning.
Potty training.
That I should have gone to bed an hour ago.
How much chocolate I ate tonight.
How much I ate tonight in general.
The young man in Boise who killed his 8 month old baby and then himself.
If I had any clean clothes. 
When I was going to go to the grocery store. 

Luckily I fell asleep before I had the chance to really think about any of the things I didn’t want to think about. 

Only one more night of being alone with my thoughts.