Strange is our situation here upon earth.  Each of us comes for a short visit, not knowing why, yet sometimes seeming to divine a purpose.  From the standpoint of daily life however, there is one thing we do know — that man is here for the sake of other men.
-Albert Einstein

I finished the book.  In my own words, it’s message: Society would have us believe that we find purpose and happiness in consumerism.  Earning, buying, getting.  But real purpose and happiness comes from service and close family relationships. 

I think I’ve always known that, but this book was a good reminder and a real-life example of a family who had a lot, and gave up a lot, and grew very close in the process. 

I declare myself inspired. 

Now maybe I can finish those other inspiring books that remain partially read.

Last year I tried to give up chocolate for Lent.  I did pretty well for awhile and then while in Peru I couldn’t resist some chocolate treats.  It was a cultural thing, ya know? I didn’t want to hold back.

So I decided to recommit this year.  My birthday fell on Ash Wednesday without me realizing it so I got started a day late but now I’m in wholeheartedly.  (Good thing I ate all those Godiva chocolates Richard got for my birthday in one night.)

Then I got a book in the mail from my wise older brother and his kind wife.  The book is called The Power of Half.  You can read a great article about it here.  In my birthday card my brother mentioned that Alexander Solzhenitsyn felt that what we Americans need is to better exercise voluntary self-restraint.

I have not had  made much time for reading lately and so I thought what better way to read the book than to exercise voluntary self-restraint in the process.  Terrible sentence.  What I am saying is that I am going to give up blogging for a week in order to read this book.  I would turn off my computer completely for a week but I do use it for some practical purposes.

JoJo out for self-improvement. 

I started to learn a lot about meaningful relationships and wrote about them after I was in Peru.  But I’ve been thinking about them lately. 

Sometimes God makes it obvious when He wants to teach you something.  I’ve noticed the same principle as a theme of various books and podcasts I have been reading and listening to.  That theme is presence.   Dr. Laura explained it to a woman by saying “You are not a human being, you are a human doing.”  The book I mentioned before explains “Mindfulness is cultivated by paying attention -on purpose and carefully- to the contents of this moment.”  I love that. 

But what I have been realizing is the way that this mindfulness effects relationships. I believe that happiness comes from quality relationships.  And quality relationships are established and perpetuated when you are able to be “present” in the moments you spend with others.  Listening.  Just being there.

I used to believe relationships were only worthwhile if they would exist in the long-term.  I also viewed relationships in a self-serving way.  How does this friendship benefit me? Both of these ideas were preventing me from enjoying some real pleasures and joyful moments. 

Even fleeting relationships can provide meaning and joy to my life.  There is a season for each relationship and the memories and influences of that relationship will always stay with me. 

Constantly wondering what the future benefits of present moments will be takes all the satisfaction out of the present moment.  Not only am I depriving myself of the feelings associated with that moment, I am failing to meet the needs of the person I am with.  I am not being for them the best friend/spouse/mother I ought to be. 

What I am grasping at here is that by carefully paying attention to the present moment I can be completely attentive to those around me, and by doing so I can find profound fulfilment in all my relationships.

I am also a sentimental person with a deep desire to maintain relationships from years past.  While I believe this is a good desire, it can also be a source of worthless guilt.  Another thing I have learned is that it is okay to let go of some relationships.  I can appreciate them for what they were when they existed and the benefit that they have been in my life.

Ahh.  That felt good to get that all out.

After ten seconds I realized I’d made a poor choice.  The woman at the front was clearly abusing the “20 Items or Less” rule. Annoying. The line at the checkout next to me was moving much more quickly.  The gentleman in front of me, who had only bananas, noticed as well and glanced at me for my permission to move over to the other lane.  I smiled and he bailed ship. 

While the cashier rang up the woman’s 30 (at least) items, a young boy played around with all the toys on the shelves.  His t-shirt read “Lock up your daughters” and his grandmother was repeating his name constantly trying to get him to leave the stuff alone.

Just as the cashier bagged the last of her items and the grandmother slid her card, the little boy walked up to the refrigerator that contained pop and other beverages.  He reached inside and grabbed some strawberry milk. 
“Put that back!” His grandmother called out desperately.  He stared at her and before she could get to him (I don’t mean to imply that she moved quickly) he opened it and began to drink.  She laughed awkwardly and paid for the drink and went on her way.

I was validated in my feelings about that store and went on my way.  With all due respect Grandma, I know it has everything under the sun.  But sometimes I am just not in the mood for a lesson on charity.

Our fondue was delicious.

Last night when I was in bed I started thinking about all the things I didn’t want to think about.  I decided to make mental list of the things I didn’t want to think about.  This was the list.

The Bachelor. (I hate that stupid show. I wish I had never watched it.)
Issues at work.
The mistakes the pairs made in figure skating.
My messy house. 
What time Miriam was going to wake me up.
The two little girls in Utah who died of pesticide poisoning.
Potty training.
That I should have gone to bed an hour ago.
How much chocolate I ate tonight.
How much I ate tonight in general.
The young man in Boise who killed his 8 month old baby and then himself.
If I had any clean clothes. 
When I was going to go to the grocery store. 

Luckily I fell asleep before I had the chance to really think about any of the things I didn’t want to think about. 

Only one more night of being alone with my thoughts.

It is a terrible inconvenience to Eli to have his diaper changed. Even if his latest bowel movement is chafing his tender behind. Today he approached me with a question, I answered and he withdrew. Trailing behind him was an odor indicating a diaper change was needed. I picked him up, cautiously, and the following conversation ensued.

Me: Eli are you stinky?
Eli: No.
(Since that is a matter of opinion and he therefore had not yet lied to me, I decided to ask a more fact based question.)
Me: Eli is there poop in your diaper?
Eli: I don’t want my diaper changed!
(Still he maintains honesty by dodging the question. He has had many a lecture from his father about lying.)
Me: Eli is there poop in your diaper?
Eli: I don’t want to talk about it.

It is definitely time for potty training. Someone inpire me with the motivation to go forward. I hate potty training. It was what I was least prepared for as a parent when I did it with Cameron. And I still have scars.

Cameron has an issue with giving.  I already mentioned his problem with leaving the cookies for Santa that he wanted to save for himself.  Last month he went to a birthday party for a friend.  He was terribly troubled at the idea of giving the gift I had bought to his friend.  The only way I could ensure that he would hand over the present willingly at the party was to tell him that maybe he would get that same thing for his birthday in April. 

Today at his preschool they are having a Valentine’s party.  I bought some little sticker books for him to give to his friends. Yesterday he discovered the stickers and his world came crashing down when I told him they were to give away.  All through lunch he whined and pouted.  I told him that his friends would bring him valentines too, but he could not be consoled because I could not say for sure that they would give him stickers.  Not wanting the focus to be on what he received I tried to reason with him about the joy of giving. 

“Cameron, instead of thinking about what your friends are going to give you, think about how much your friends will like the stickers you give to them.  You shouldn’t be selfish and think about yourself, you should think about others.”

He responded “Mom. It’s hard… it’s just hard… I just…. it is hard for my heart to think about others.”