At our wedding reception Richard and I danced to the song “Come What May” from Moulin Rouge. With all the the enthusiasm of a bride-to-be in the days before her wedding, I had Richard’s ring engraved, on the inside, with those words. At that time, and of course still today, I have no doubts about our marriage surviving, come what may. But in our last conference Elder Wirthlin issued a higher law. It is no longer come what may, and survive it. It is

Come what may, and love it.

While listening to his talk the first time and then reading it again just a few days ago, I was so inspired I was sure I could heed that counsel.

Well today my good intentions have been put to the test. While the restoration man was thinking with all he had about a way to dry out our crawlspace, and the preschool kids were knocking on the door, Eli vomited all over me and the living room floor.

I sent the disappointed 3 year olds back home, the restoration man left for awhile and I cleaned up the vomit. But for some reason what really put me over the edge was that the apples I had been drying in the oven over night had crystalized to the cookie sheets and were ruined.

Love it?

Are you kidding me?

I pictured him saying “There is an antidote for times such as these: learn to laugh…The next time you’re tempted to groan, you might try to laugh instead.” There really wasn’t anything funny about throwing away the apple-mess. Or at least I couldn’t see it at the time. But I forced a laugh just to break down the anger that was rapidly welling up inside. That helped.

Love it.

I went and picked up my pale toddler who was being very snuggly and decided maybe I could love it after all.

I do not mean to minimalize the difficulty of the trials I know people are experiencing that make my little struggles truly laughable. But the beauty of the gospel is that we can apply its principles to the minor aspects of our lives and the major. To those who are experiencing real difficulty, Elder Wirthlin has much to say with regard to coping and loving it.

Do you remember that song from grade school (I can’t believe I just called it grade school) that went something like this:

“Make new friends, but ke-eep the oh-old, one is silver and the other is gold.”

I’ve been thinking about it a little bit lately. I’ve mentioned on here before about how keeping in touch with old friends is something I wish I did better at, because I value it. And you can ask Richard about how I feel about making new friends… he heard many a sob story during our first year or two in Kuna.

But I have had the opportunity these last few months to develop a friendship with a woman that has virtually nothing in common with me.

I met Virginia at a dental hygiene continuing education course a year or two ago. We sat together at a table for lunch. I found out she works for the SW District Health Department as their dental hygienist. (Okay so we did have the dental hygiene thing in common.) I told her that if she ever needed a volunteer to give me a call.

About four months ago she took me up on my offer and we have spent many hours together doing oral screenings of 3rd graders for a statewide survey.

This woman is one of the best examples of integrity I have encountered in my life. You know the little saying “Choose the Right”? Virg chooses the right in all the small little details of life. I don’t mean to say she is a saint, she has weaknesses. But she just tries so hard without making it look hard.

Looking back on my relationship with Richard leading up to our engagement I can see clearly that I had the Lord’s help guiding me into a good thing. I know that since I have met Virginia I have had the Lord’s help guiding me into a good thing.

Because I’m far to narrowminded to have developed this on my own.

She makes me want to be a better person, and isn’t that more important than if our kids are going through the same phases or our primary language is the same?

So I guess the lesson I learned here is that friendship comes from many different places. And I am sad for any opportunities I missed before I learned this lesson.

Sunday was the primary program. I invested a lot of time, effort and anxiety in the program this year and I was nervous. It was wonderful thanks to the wonderful children, teachers and leaders.

Marisa is our primary president and Sunday morning she brought by this corsage and a card.

(The flowers were financed by the husbands but inspired by Marisa. I thought I better give credit where credit was due.)

She gave me a note of thanks and love. It was nourishment for my soul. Feeling appreciated does so much for me.

I occasionally get the urge to let someone who has made my life better know it. But I usually ignore it, and justify my laziness by thinking “He/She doesn’t care”.

In an effort to show more gratitude, and in the spirit of the upcoming holiday, I am adding a gadget to my blog. Just a daily “THANKS” to a kindred spirit whose actions or existence bring me happiness in some way. Hopefully, taking time to think of such a person will motivate me to share my appreciation with them. No justifications allowed.

(And by the way. It is still a little… um… hard(?) for me to look at this picture of myself and to put it on here. What does that mean?)

Usually we go to Gordon and Julie’s for the BSU games, but yesterday I had the practice for the primary program and Richard had a honey-do list about a mile long.

He took a break to watch the game for awhile and apparently (I was still at the practice) Eli went and got his little red chair and sat down to watch the game.

** Side note: Richard graciously pointed out that I spelled “Plumber” like this: “Plummer.” Embarrassing! Sorry Dad if I’ve disappointed you. I guess I was thinking along the lines of Jake Plummer, classmate of my brother’s, and great athlete.

Simplify

I see this declaration everywhere. Well in homes mostly, it seems to be the catch-phrase for all the women who are struggling in that everlasting conflict of priorities. I find it to be very meaningful advice. Each time I see it, I think “I want that in my house somewhere. I need to simplify.” Perhaps if there are fewer options, it would be less of a struggle. By reducing the items on the list, it becomes easier to manage the list. So I started to imagine my list. This was all a thought process, nothing was written but in my mind it looked like this:

Feeding the Children
Card Club
Reading books
Grocery shopping
Cleaning bathrooms
Balancing the budget
Going to the park

The list seemed to go on and on. This only validated my sentiment of resolution for simplicity. It was time to delete some items from the list. I started to think of which items I could delete…

thinking…

nothing.

I didn’t want to delete anything. I love blogging, I can’t sacrifice that. And Eli loves his music class at the library, that can’t go. Hmm. So where did that leave me? I thought I wanted to simplify my life but I’m not willing to surrender anything from my list. In fact, each day it seems that I only accumulate more items for my list. Preschool for Cameron, ballet classes for myself, more meals cooked from healthy foods.

Which brought me to my next thought process. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about simplifying our diets. By that I mean, eating more basic, local foods. Taking out all the processed foods with the ingredients I can’t pronounce. What a refreshing idea! So how do I get started? Cooking from “scratch”. Homemade bread. But wait, that isn’t making my life simpler. Making bread is time consuming.

And there I was, my mind all tied in knots. There was no resolution. I was lost and very confused. I started to think about the Amish. I used to think it was sort of arbitrary the way they chose the time period they chose to freeze their technological progression. Why then? But I’m starting to think that maybe that isn’t the point. At least for me, what I can learn from them has so much more to do with what they’ve done since they decided to halt their industrial evolution.

They get it.

They are the epitome of simplicity. There are no name brand clothes, there is no world wide web, there probably aren’t competitive sports to fill the afternoons and evenings both in participation and television viewing. They are able to really spend their time on the things that deep in my heart are really most important to me. Things like work, family, prayer.

But let’s be realistic… I’m not about to have Richard quit his job and move to Lancaster County. The reality is that I live in this world. There are advantages to things like athletics and internet. But I am at a loss as how to filter. How do I resist the forces that are pulling me in countless directions? I want my children to be well-rounded, but I want to eat dinner as a family every night. I want to develop new talents, but I want to spend quality time with my kids. I want to eat wholesome foods but I don’t have time to go to farmer’s markets every Saturday.

Can I have my cake and eat it too? Can I simplify? Do I have the self-discipline to relinquish the hobbies and pursuits Elder Oaks would only classify as “good” rather than “best”? I fear making changes and I realize I have a long way to go.

My highest esteem to the Amish. I admire and envy their sacrifice and I trust that Heaven rewards them.

The other thing, on a funny note.

This morning when Richard turned on the t.v. it was Obama of course and Cameron said

“Who is that?”

Richard: “He is the next president of the United States.”

Cam: “Oh. Is he a brother?”

Oh man. What a laugh. In Cameron’s mind anyone wearing a suit is “Brother”.

(The title given to all the men at church.) But yes Cameron, he is a “brotha”.

Here are some random pictures of the boys from recent days. Speaking of brothers…

Yes, this is Cameron feeding cheerios to Eli with his toes. I know I should have intervened before retrieving the camera, but I couldn’t resist documenting it.

This was the first time one of my little guys fell asleep in a high chair. I remember my sister Lori falling asleep in her highchair but it hadn’t happened to one of my kids until now.

Eli loves stuffed animals. Cameron was never interested but Eli loves a snuggle buddy.

Striking a balance between self-confidence and humility has consumed my thoughts various times in the last few years, but especially of late.

I’ve recently been following the blog written by the sister of Stephanie Nielson who was burned terribly, along with her husband, in a plane crash in August. I’ve spent some time looking at Stephanies blog and been impressed, and changed, by two themes.

The first is the relationship Stephanie had with her husband. They had four kids but were still “madly in love”. As cliché as it sounds, it best describes the impression the blog gives. It didn’t hurt that they were both very attractive people, but nonethess I believe the strength of their bond will sustain them during this time.

The second attribute of Stephanie that I have determined to work towards it self-confidence. Like I said, Stephanie is beautiful. She had no inhibitions about posting pictures of herself. She seemed so secure.

What I want to say here, is that I want to be like Stephanie. But I fear judgement. We are women, we are hard on ourselves and often hard on others. Is it possible for me to believe in my own beauty without being labeled as vain?

Desperatly I want to share a sisterhood of blogging women where we can cheer on one anothers efforts to be accepting of our individuality.

In my own blog there are undertones of insecurity. I believe that one of the reasons we blog, without admitting it, is to show others that our lives are better, happier and “funner” than maybe even we think they are. Blogs are notorious for bragging. Seriously so Blessed wouldn’t be so funny if the stereotype were unfounded.

My own personal goal is emanate self-confidence, without crossing the line into self-absorption. My intentions are the best test of my standing. When I blog out of insecurity it is more likely to come across as arrogance. I hope that when I am able to relinquish my self-doubts, my sincerity will be apparent.

I want to be proud of me, without being PROUD of me.

What better way to kick of the delicious holiday season than homemade peanut butter cups? Krista knocks Reese’s out of the ballpark. I hear all the time about practicing self-discipline during this time of year. But what’s the fun in that?

I can’t.

I won’t.

I don’t even plan to try. Come January I will set the obligatory goal and work hard to pay for the consequences of my choice.

But I just can’t pass these babies up.

So bring on the halloween candy, bring on the turkey and pie, let me drink hot cocoa every morning and Mom, I can’t wait for bourbon balls on New Year’s day.

This is my best “resigned to be victim of chocolate” face.

My posting a picture of myself is a big step in my quest for better self-confidence. But more on that later…