Halloween 2011
That phrase seems so insulting to monkeys…
You know how they are always saying that you have to be careful because children are always watching? Apparently Miriam has been watching me give the epi-pen demo to the babysitters.
Later that evening the tv remote was missing. We searched high and low. Richard remarked “It’s probably with my chapstick.” Being DVR converts, the tv is worthless without the remote. We continued to look in every possible toddler hiding place and I finally found it in a basket in Cameron and Eli’s room. Sure enough the chapstick was in the same basket. It doesn’t seem so funny now, but we had a good laugh that cured us of our building frustration. That little girl has some crazy power over us.
I’ve been meaning to write about this forever, because as my sisters pointed out, the silver lining to the dark cloud over the story I’m about to write, is that it was good blog material. So while I hope you enjoy reading, for your sakes I hope you can not relate. If I were a little more clever I could turn it into a very humorous tale, but this will have to do.
At the beginning of October we went down to Provo for my brother Evan’s wedding. I’ll save the fun and exciting parts of that trip for another post. Maybe, if I ever get around to it.
The day after the wedding my sisters and mother and I decided as our wedding gift we would do a little decorating in the newlyweds’ apartment. We sent most of the children with our husbands but I brought Simon along with me. We put Simon (in his carseat) in one cart and grabbed another cart for our merchandise. I can’t really say who was pushing which cart when it happened. All I know is that somewhere along the way there was a mix-up, and when I looked in the two carts we were pushing, neither of them contained a baby.
“Where is my baby!?” The three other women, all mothers, looked frantically in the two baby-less carts and then we deserted said carts while we searched the aisles looking for Simon. He was a few aisles down, contentedly looking around as if just waiting for us to return. The entire incident lasted probably less than two minutes, but if you can relate you know what a long two minutes those can be.
A couple hours later, after finishing our task at the apartment, the guys met up with us. Miriam was asleep in her carseat so Richard stayed in the van with her. Cameron and Eli came into the apartment, and thinking Richard and the van were just outside in the parking lot, I sent Cameron back out to retrieve the diaper bag. Cameron didn’t return. I went out to the parking lot, and neither Cameron or the van were anywhere to be found. I wasn’t worried at this point, mostly just confused. I walked around the side of the apartment complex to the road and saw Richard standing outside the van talking on his phone.
I asked “Where is Cameron?” and he mouthed a reply “I don’t know” while giving me an expression that said “I’m trying to have a conversation here.” Anxiety was awakening inside me while I walked back to the apartment to see if I had missed him somehow. When I got there and saw that he wasn’t there I started to panic and all available adults were dispatched for a search.
I went back to Richard who could see my distress and abruptly finished his phone call. In the stress of the moment neither of us quite had our senses about us and we left Miriam in her seat, in the unlocked car and began searching for our kid.
This incident lasted much longer, or at least it seemed much longer. We had spread in several different directions and my brother in law even took his car to drive around. Richard finally found Cameron, eight blocks away, crossing another street. When I encountered them Cameron had lost his stoic and confident demeanor and melted into a frightened, yet relieved six year old.
Our own relief was quickly obliterated upon returning to our van and discovering that Miriam was no longer inside. I don’t need to describe the next few minutes that occurred before we learned that Lori had rescued her from what clearly could have been a worse fate.
I am not the paranoid parent. That would be Richard. I don’t worry much at all about my children’s safety, in fact it is to a fault. I hope that those who know me, know I am a good mother despite my sometimes lackadaisical parenting. But I was still mortified in those brief moments when I imagined the worst.
Of course, looking back now it is already easy for me to laugh about it all. I hope that doesn’t mean I didn’t learn anything on that day I lost [nearly] all my children.
I’ve been wanting to do this forever, so of course now I won’t remember all the words I wanted to remember. But here is a little Miriam dictionary.
Dise- Simon
Baps- bath
Cots- Scott
Nacks- Snack
Gocks- Sock (Are you seeing the pattern?)
Gaca- Baca
beh-beh- baby
Yai- Eli
Dosh- a mix of Dog and Misha
Dabba Dabba- Yo Gabba Gabba (I know she’s technically not old enough for t.v. but this girl has active ingredients and I just need a few minutes of peace sometimes. This is the first cartoon she has actually sat down and watched, and now she loves it. Nothing ever held her interest before. I’ve got to say, I love it too for the reasons aforementioned, despite its initial creepiness.)
She also says, of her own accord, Mom, Daddy, milk, go, juice, shoes, hi, bye, house, and more I’m sure. She is also getting pretty good at saying words back to us, parrot style.
Her new favorite activity is feeding “Dosh”. Of course now that she wants to do this the boys are fighting over whose turn it is.
She also says “NO!” really well. She still has no name for Cameron that we have identified. I hope it isn’t some expression of her subconscious feelings about him. Hopefully it’s just a hard name to say.
I entered the world of organized sports very reluctantly. I knew that it would forever change my life and it wasn’t a change I eagerly anticipated. But it seems that sports and extracurricular activities are part of raising a well-rounded child and Heaven knows how much we middle-classers want well-rounded children!
I’m still struggling with how to handle said activities and still eat dinner together as a family every night. But for now it’s just one child, one sport and I think I handled it okay. We were lucky that Cameron’s coach lives down the street and took Cameron to practices twice a week. Richard would meet him there and bring him home. I have no regrets- it was a great chance for fatherly involvement and Cameron thrived in the athletic environment. Take note that I didn’t say he excelled. He played well, but he enjoyed every minute.
My only complaint was that even though the season extended into October there was only one game where the temperature was below 88 degrees. In the beginning at the games when we were all perspiring the parents joked about how by the end of the season we’d be in our coats and beanies. Not so. Not in 2011.
We’ve had my niece, Antonia visiting since we came back from Las Vegas. She is staying with Baca (Grandma) mostly but spends some time around our house as well. This morning the following episode took place. I love it because, it is hilarious, and it is such a great example of one frustrating aspect of parenting. Eli clearly understands the concept intellectually, but fails at the practical application.
Eli: Antonia! You need to share with her. (Miriam.) Remember that Baca said you have to share? Sharing is nice. Not sharing is bad. Sharing means give it to her, give it to yourself, give it to her, give it to yourself… Hey! I was going to have that pig! Give it to me! It’s ours!
Before I had four kids I responded to emails.
Before I had four kids I did projects and put up decorations for the holidays.
Before I had four kids I was on time to appointments. (Haha, who am I kidding with that one?)
Before I had four kids I returned phone calls.
Before I had four kids I kept my house clean.
Before I had four kids I wrote regular blog posts.
I’m feeling a little overwhelmed these days. I’m accepting a new normal with a house that is only mostly clean and hobbies that must be set aside. In my selfish moments I resent that I don’t have spare time for my personal interests. On Sunday Richard and I watched a couple conference talks that we missed from the Saturday afternoon session. There was a quote in Elder Anderson’s talk that pierced me to the core.
“Motherhood… is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gave you time for.”
The quote is from Rachel Jankovic, a Christian blogger. If that quote pierced me, her entire post shredded me. She both empathized with me and inspired me. Her thoughts articulated exactly how I feel but her gentle rebuke exposed and chastened me. I love this woman, a stranger to me, for being a source of guidance outside my regular, often underappreciated, sources of guidance. I’m so far from the ideal she sets forth, obviously all the things I listed above rank higher than my calling as a mother. But she has given me courage that I’m not alone and reminded me of the value of children, even [or perhaps especially] my children.