Striking a balance between self-confidence and humility has consumed my thoughts various times in the last few years, but especially of late.

I’ve recently been following the blog written by the sister of Stephanie Nielson who was burned terribly, along with her husband, in a plane crash in August. I’ve spent some time looking at Stephanies blog and been impressed, and changed, by two themes.

The first is the relationship Stephanie had with her husband. They had four kids but were still “madly in love”. As cliché as it sounds, it best describes the impression the blog gives. It didn’t hurt that they were both very attractive people, but nonethess I believe the strength of their bond will sustain them during this time.

The second attribute of Stephanie that I have determined to work towards it self-confidence. Like I said, Stephanie is beautiful. She had no inhibitions about posting pictures of herself. She seemed so secure.

What I want to say here, is that I want to be like Stephanie. But I fear judgement. We are women, we are hard on ourselves and often hard on others. Is it possible for me to believe in my own beauty without being labeled as vain?

Desperatly I want to share a sisterhood of blogging women where we can cheer on one anothers efforts to be accepting of our individuality.

In my own blog there are undertones of insecurity. I believe that one of the reasons we blog, without admitting it, is to show others that our lives are better, happier and “funner” than maybe even we think they are. Blogs are notorious for bragging. Seriously so Blessed wouldn’t be so funny if the stereotype were unfounded.

My own personal goal is emanate self-confidence, without crossing the line into self-absorption. My intentions are the best test of my standing. When I blog out of insecurity it is more likely to come across as arrogance. I hope that when I am able to relinquish my self-doubts, my sincerity will be apparent.

I want to be proud of me, without being PROUD of me.

What better way to kick of the delicious holiday season than homemade peanut butter cups? Krista knocks Reese’s out of the ballpark. I hear all the time about practicing self-discipline during this time of year. But what’s the fun in that?

I can’t.

I won’t.

I don’t even plan to try. Come January I will set the obligatory goal and work hard to pay for the consequences of my choice.

But I just can’t pass these babies up.

So bring on the halloween candy, bring on the turkey and pie, let me drink hot cocoa every morning and Mom, I can’t wait for bourbon balls on New Year’s day.

This is my best “resigned to be victim of chocolate” face.

My posting a picture of myself is a big step in my quest for better self-confidence. But more on that later…

Or would it be phenomena?

What is it about blog tags that make it okay for us to talk about personal and dull factoids that, were we to bring up in conversation around adults in any other circumstance we would be thought socially inept?

I guess either we like seeing pictures of other people’s refrigerators or else we are so narcissitic that we love to share 4, 6 or 8 quirks about ourselves under the guise of being “tagged”.

“Well, since Bridget tagged me, I guess I’ll enlighten my readers to my inner workings.”

I am going to embrace my vanity and invent my own tag. The dull factoid I want to share I will call “A Moment, Most Disappointing.” In fact, to really help my tagees get their wheels turning, I’ll share two.

A Moment, Most Disappointing
(Someone please help me with my poor punctuation use.)

Our shower has a glitch. Periodically, I’d say every few weeks or so, it produces no hot water. Perhaps the glitch lies with the water heater. But sadly it always seems to happen on mornings when I am chilly and especially looking forward to a hot shower to warm me. The other evening, I was preparing for bed and dreading the cold sheets. In the summer, cool sheets are delightful. But as the cold nights have descended the cool sheets are misery. I decided a hot bath would be just the fix. But regrettably, that night the bath was not going to produce hot water. It is not cold water that comes in these tragic times, but luke-warm water. Resulting in me being most disappointed.

Second moment, involved a trip to the craft store. Running an errand is no small thing for a mother of two toddlers who lives in Kuna. In fact it requires some effort.
“Get your shoes on Cameron.” Shoes for Eli…found them. “Cam, put your shoes on. :)” (The smile indicates my cheery voice, he responds better to cheery voice.) Jacket for Eli…found it. “Are your shoes on bud?” Jacket for Cameron…finding Cameron… “Tiger you need to get your shoes on it’s time to go.” Cheer quickly diminishing from voice…

Load the boys, boys are in car, car is driving, 11 miles to store. Unload Cameron. “Cameron wait for mom.” Unload Eli. “Cameron watch for cars!!!!” Enter store. Looking, looking, looking. Cameron running here and there. Where are the wiggle eyes for the preschool project… Eli begging to get out of cart. No wiggle eyes. “Cameron stay by mommy if you want a treat.” Asking salesgirl about wiggle eyes. Eli screaming. Salesgirl says the store has no wiggle eyes. Where is Cameron? Mommy is mad. Takes it out on poor toddlers. “Cameron let’s go!” “But my treat!” “No treat, you did not stay by mommy.”

No wiggle eyes.

Most disappointing.

To really get the ball rolling on my invented tag I am tagging a whole lot of ya! By golly it’s gonna be all over blogland. Let’s hear your most disappointing moment.

Christina, Kim, Lindsay, Dani, Krista, Laura, Kristi, SarahAnne, Michelle, Marisa, Liberty, Anne, Julie, Brenna, Stephanie, Natalie, Sara and Jessica.

And anyone else who wants to participate. But I’ve noticed that as much as we like to share about ourselves, we only do it when specifically asked. So I had to name some names.

Lori called last night and offered to provide evening company. (I’m always looking for evening company when Richard is out of town.) I thought we had missed our chance for carving pumpkins this year, but thankfully Lori’s fall cheer brought us to the kitchen table for carving and painting. Sean is one of Cameron’s best buds. He’ll be such a good dad. Cameron wanted me to take a picture of them.

Then Cameron wanted to do the picture taking. Lori and Sean were making their best effort to actually be in the picture.

And the pumpkins-
I dedicate my pumpkin to Richard. Go broncos!

If a picture says a thousand words, I guess these are worth posting. Even if my mediocre pictures only say 800 words. And I really don’t like when people make excuses anyway so I’ll post them proudly. Besides, someone asked where I was in the pictures and I really do like to get into a picture with my boys once in awhile.

Being friends with someone who for all intents and purposes is a professional photographer definitely has its advantages. But when hanging out with said friend, I feel a little inadequate pulling out my “point and shoot” archaic camera. Yes it is digital, I’m somewhat with the times, but it doesn’t exactly fit in an Altoid tin if you know what I mean.

But thankfully, Krista is very thoughtful and took pictures for me. Here are a few, but to really capture the event check out Krista’s blog. It will make an autumn lover out of you in no time. And if you are already an autumn lover, her pictures will confirm and deepen your autumn affection.

We went to an apple orchard and picked apples, then took a hayride to a pumpkin patch and the boys each picked a pumpkin. Cameron loved the apples. Eli took a bite out of several apples, but my little Eli is a bit clumsy and the apple inevitably found its way to the dirt before he could finish it.

Around here, we all seem to have a love-hate relationship with Misha. Well except for with Richard, subtract the love part. And we don’t ever hate her, we just get frustrated. I love her because I feel safer with her here when Richard is gone. I love her because she jogs with me. And I love her because she is a beautiful and loyal dog. I dislike her when she chews, digs and acts like the puppy that she is. (And I’m still grossed out by her large canine bowel products.)

Cameron loves her when she plays with him and sometimes when she licks him. And Eli loves her through a glass door. But they both get knocked over sometimes by her over-zealous efforts at affection, resulting in some tension in the relationship.

This video is from a few weeks ago but I forgot about it until today when Cameron and Misha were playing this game again. It goes on for over a minute (I try to use one minute as my time limit for a blog video) but for Richard and grandparent’s who can’t get enough of their posterity, enjoy!

Wow peeps! Way awesome comments!

No really, I was never a fan of the virtual {{hugs}} but I can’t think of anything better to express my thanks.

So {{hugs}} to you all.

It was so fun to read the comments and learn that some of you have blogs I didn’t even know about. For shame! And maybe I am just blessed with great blogger friends, but I want all to know that I have never had a comment I didn’t appreciate.

So throw those inhibitions out the window and keep them coming. I promise to do the same for you.

This has been on my mind of late, but I had to make sure I had the right intentions before I put it out there. The wrong intentions were my own selfishness and insecurity and need for verbal reassurance. That is if commenting on a blog counts as “verbal”.

I argued to my family that blogging created some kind of, well, social network. Albeit superficial at times, nonetheless it brought people together. We were communicating.

We were communicating.

I don’t mind sending my thoughts to the cosmic void. That sort of goes back to my original “to blog or not to blog” self struggle. I write my thoughts sometimes for my own pleasure and this is the most enjoyable forum.

But it would be self-deceit if I claimed I wrote them only for myself. I like to know that they are contributing in some way to someone else. Or contributing in some way to the relationships I share with my fellow bloggers. For example, through blogging I have better maintained relationships with people I otherwise might have lost contact with. I have also “met” new individuals and developed new relationships. I like to think that our relationships outside of blogging are strengthened by blogging.

But all this is based on a two-way street. Takes two to tango, and I am feeling a little like I have been deserted. We all have the counters, we all keep a watchful eye on how many visitors we receive. Our hearts all sink when no one responds to our carefully constructed posting.

Here is my rally cry! Don’t let blogging be mindless entertainment. I will gladly step out and say that I am guilty of scrolling down through the google reader, scanning the blogs of my friends and the blogs of strangers, letting them all blur together. But this isn’t the kind of blog world I ardently defended to the critics.

You don’t have to patronize me with obligatory praise. Just let me know how you relate. Let me know you stopped by. Let the post evoke some kind of thought, take time to notice it, and then share it.

This is very corny. But it is sincere. I made sure of that before I let myself say it.

Don’t make me do a give away to pull all the commenters out of the woodwork…

(Yes, the music is my attempt at comic relief.)