Usually we go to Gordon and Julie’s for the BSU games, but yesterday I had the practice for the primary program and Richard had a honey-do list about a mile long.

He took a break to watch the game for awhile and apparently (I was still at the practice) Eli went and got his little red chair and sat down to watch the game.

** Side note: Richard graciously pointed out that I spelled “Plumber” like this: “Plummer.” Embarrassing! Sorry Dad if I’ve disappointed you. I guess I was thinking along the lines of Jake Plummer, classmate of my brother’s, and great athlete.

Simplify

I see this declaration everywhere. Well in homes mostly, it seems to be the catch-phrase for all the women who are struggling in that everlasting conflict of priorities. I find it to be very meaningful advice. Each time I see it, I think “I want that in my house somewhere. I need to simplify.” Perhaps if there are fewer options, it would be less of a struggle. By reducing the items on the list, it becomes easier to manage the list. So I started to imagine my list. This was all a thought process, nothing was written but in my mind it looked like this:

Feeding the Children
Card Club
Reading books
Grocery shopping
Cleaning bathrooms
Balancing the budget
Going to the park

The list seemed to go on and on. This only validated my sentiment of resolution for simplicity. It was time to delete some items from the list. I started to think of which items I could delete…

thinking…

nothing.

I didn’t want to delete anything. I love blogging, I can’t sacrifice that. And Eli loves his music class at the library, that can’t go. Hmm. So where did that leave me? I thought I wanted to simplify my life but I’m not willing to surrender anything from my list. In fact, each day it seems that I only accumulate more items for my list. Preschool for Cameron, ballet classes for myself, more meals cooked from healthy foods.

Which brought me to my next thought process. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about simplifying our diets. By that I mean, eating more basic, local foods. Taking out all the processed foods with the ingredients I can’t pronounce. What a refreshing idea! So how do I get started? Cooking from “scratch”. Homemade bread. But wait, that isn’t making my life simpler. Making bread is time consuming.

And there I was, my mind all tied in knots. There was no resolution. I was lost and very confused. I started to think about the Amish. I used to think it was sort of arbitrary the way they chose the time period they chose to freeze their technological progression. Why then? But I’m starting to think that maybe that isn’t the point. At least for me, what I can learn from them has so much more to do with what they’ve done since they decided to halt their industrial evolution.

They get it.

They are the epitome of simplicity. There are no name brand clothes, there is no world wide web, there probably aren’t competitive sports to fill the afternoons and evenings both in participation and television viewing. They are able to really spend their time on the things that deep in my heart are really most important to me. Things like work, family, prayer.

But let’s be realistic… I’m not about to have Richard quit his job and move to Lancaster County. The reality is that I live in this world. There are advantages to things like athletics and internet. But I am at a loss as how to filter. How do I resist the forces that are pulling me in countless directions? I want my children to be well-rounded, but I want to eat dinner as a family every night. I want to develop new talents, but I want to spend quality time with my kids. I want to eat wholesome foods but I don’t have time to go to farmer’s markets every Saturday.

Can I have my cake and eat it too? Can I simplify? Do I have the self-discipline to relinquish the hobbies and pursuits Elder Oaks would only classify as “good” rather than “best”? I fear making changes and I realize I have a long way to go.

My highest esteem to the Amish. I admire and envy their sacrifice and I trust that Heaven rewards them.

The other thing, on a funny note.

This morning when Richard turned on the t.v. it was Obama of course and Cameron said

“Who is that?”

Richard: “He is the next president of the United States.”

Cam: “Oh. Is he a brother?”

Oh man. What a laugh. In Cameron’s mind anyone wearing a suit is “Brother”.

(The title given to all the men at church.) But yes Cameron, he is a “brotha”.

Here are some random pictures of the boys from recent days. Speaking of brothers…

Yes, this is Cameron feeding cheerios to Eli with his toes. I know I should have intervened before retrieving the camera, but I couldn’t resist documenting it.

This was the first time one of my little guys fell asleep in a high chair. I remember my sister Lori falling asleep in her highchair but it hadn’t happened to one of my kids until now.

Eli loves stuffed animals. Cameron was never interested but Eli loves a snuggle buddy.

Striking a balance between self-confidence and humility has consumed my thoughts various times in the last few years, but especially of late.

I’ve recently been following the blog written by the sister of Stephanie Nielson who was burned terribly, along with her husband, in a plane crash in August. I’ve spent some time looking at Stephanies blog and been impressed, and changed, by two themes.

The first is the relationship Stephanie had with her husband. They had four kids but were still “madly in love”. As cliché as it sounds, it best describes the impression the blog gives. It didn’t hurt that they were both very attractive people, but nonethess I believe the strength of their bond will sustain them during this time.

The second attribute of Stephanie that I have determined to work towards it self-confidence. Like I said, Stephanie is beautiful. She had no inhibitions about posting pictures of herself. She seemed so secure.

What I want to say here, is that I want to be like Stephanie. But I fear judgement. We are women, we are hard on ourselves and often hard on others. Is it possible for me to believe in my own beauty without being labeled as vain?

Desperatly I want to share a sisterhood of blogging women where we can cheer on one anothers efforts to be accepting of our individuality.

In my own blog there are undertones of insecurity. I believe that one of the reasons we blog, without admitting it, is to show others that our lives are better, happier and “funner” than maybe even we think they are. Blogs are notorious for bragging. Seriously so Blessed wouldn’t be so funny if the stereotype were unfounded.

My own personal goal is emanate self-confidence, without crossing the line into self-absorption. My intentions are the best test of my standing. When I blog out of insecurity it is more likely to come across as arrogance. I hope that when I am able to relinquish my self-doubts, my sincerity will be apparent.

I want to be proud of me, without being PROUD of me.

What better way to kick of the delicious holiday season than homemade peanut butter cups? Krista knocks Reese’s out of the ballpark. I hear all the time about practicing self-discipline during this time of year. But what’s the fun in that?

I can’t.

I won’t.

I don’t even plan to try. Come January I will set the obligatory goal and work hard to pay for the consequences of my choice.

But I just can’t pass these babies up.

So bring on the halloween candy, bring on the turkey and pie, let me drink hot cocoa every morning and Mom, I can’t wait for bourbon balls on New Year’s day.

This is my best “resigned to be victim of chocolate” face.

My posting a picture of myself is a big step in my quest for better self-confidence. But more on that later…

Or would it be phenomena?

What is it about blog tags that make it okay for us to talk about personal and dull factoids that, were we to bring up in conversation around adults in any other circumstance we would be thought socially inept?

I guess either we like seeing pictures of other people’s refrigerators or else we are so narcissitic that we love to share 4, 6 or 8 quirks about ourselves under the guise of being “tagged”.

“Well, since Bridget tagged me, I guess I’ll enlighten my readers to my inner workings.”

I am going to embrace my vanity and invent my own tag. The dull factoid I want to share I will call “A Moment, Most Disappointing.” In fact, to really help my tagees get their wheels turning, I’ll share two.

A Moment, Most Disappointing
(Someone please help me with my poor punctuation use.)

Our shower has a glitch. Periodically, I’d say every few weeks or so, it produces no hot water. Perhaps the glitch lies with the water heater. But sadly it always seems to happen on mornings when I am chilly and especially looking forward to a hot shower to warm me. The other evening, I was preparing for bed and dreading the cold sheets. In the summer, cool sheets are delightful. But as the cold nights have descended the cool sheets are misery. I decided a hot bath would be just the fix. But regrettably, that night the bath was not going to produce hot water. It is not cold water that comes in these tragic times, but luke-warm water. Resulting in me being most disappointed.

Second moment, involved a trip to the craft store. Running an errand is no small thing for a mother of two toddlers who lives in Kuna. In fact it requires some effort.
“Get your shoes on Cameron.” Shoes for Eli…found them. “Cam, put your shoes on. :)” (The smile indicates my cheery voice, he responds better to cheery voice.) Jacket for Eli…found it. “Are your shoes on bud?” Jacket for Cameron…finding Cameron… “Tiger you need to get your shoes on it’s time to go.” Cheer quickly diminishing from voice…

Load the boys, boys are in car, car is driving, 11 miles to store. Unload Cameron. “Cameron wait for mom.” Unload Eli. “Cameron watch for cars!!!!” Enter store. Looking, looking, looking. Cameron running here and there. Where are the wiggle eyes for the preschool project… Eli begging to get out of cart. No wiggle eyes. “Cameron stay by mommy if you want a treat.” Asking salesgirl about wiggle eyes. Eli screaming. Salesgirl says the store has no wiggle eyes. Where is Cameron? Mommy is mad. Takes it out on poor toddlers. “Cameron let’s go!” “But my treat!” “No treat, you did not stay by mommy.”

No wiggle eyes.

Most disappointing.

To really get the ball rolling on my invented tag I am tagging a whole lot of ya! By golly it’s gonna be all over blogland. Let’s hear your most disappointing moment.

Christina, Kim, Lindsay, Dani, Krista, Laura, Kristi, SarahAnne, Michelle, Marisa, Liberty, Anne, Julie, Brenna, Stephanie, Natalie, Sara and Jessica.

And anyone else who wants to participate. But I’ve noticed that as much as we like to share about ourselves, we only do it when specifically asked. So I had to name some names.

Lori called last night and offered to provide evening company. (I’m always looking for evening company when Richard is out of town.) I thought we had missed our chance for carving pumpkins this year, but thankfully Lori’s fall cheer brought us to the kitchen table for carving and painting. Sean is one of Cameron’s best buds. He’ll be such a good dad. Cameron wanted me to take a picture of them.

Then Cameron wanted to do the picture taking. Lori and Sean were making their best effort to actually be in the picture.

And the pumpkins-
I dedicate my pumpkin to Richard. Go broncos!

If a picture says a thousand words, I guess these are worth posting. Even if my mediocre pictures only say 800 words. And I really don’t like when people make excuses anyway so I’ll post them proudly. Besides, someone asked where I was in the pictures and I really do like to get into a picture with my boys once in awhile.